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Showing posts from 2017

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Being forced to live a lie.

Once when I was between permanent jobs I took a temping job at a vending machine company in their accounts department. I didn’t expect I would work there for a long time so I didn’t take the job all that seriously. At the end of my first week there, I really wanted to have Friday afternoon off to go to a concert but thought the boss might say no, so decided to pull a sickie. I didn’t want to call in sick in the morning because as I was temping and paid by the hour I would lose a whole days money, so decided to fake an illness halfway through the day. 
At lunchtime, there were cakes for someone’s birthday brought out, so I ate the biggest cream cake that I could see, and then a while later disappeared.  I spent a while in the toilets, and then went back to my line-manager and said I had been sick and would have to go home.  Here is where I made my big mistake; I said that I must have had an allergic reaction to something in the cake and that it had happened before. I go to go home that …


I was walking through soho, when I saw a man coming towards me – I recognised his face, but Just couldn’t place him. He was on my side of the road, and had seen me looking at him, so I had to say hello.
“Hello mate, how are you?” I shook his hand enthusiastically as I tried desperately to rack my brains to remember where I knew him from.  Was it an office I used to work in? he wasn’t dressed in office clothes so I guessed probably not. 
“Are you working back this way again?” I asked, hoping his answer would give me some clue as to where I knew him from. I used to run a highly amateur open mic comedy night, maybe I knew him from that? Maybe he was one of the so called performers? 
“I’m doing something with a theatre company down that way” he said. He pointed deeper down into soho.  A couple of the ‘comedians’ had been actors, maybe he had broken through into serious acting? But there was something beginning to nag at me, I just couldn’t place where I’d worked with him or knew him from.

Cage Fight

Chicken Shop Terror

There’s a jerk chicken shop around the corner from my office that sells the best lunches I’ve ever tasted. I love jerk chicken, but I never feel like I can go there unless I tag along with a crowd of people from my office.   The owner is a very cool looking Jamaican man, and at lunchtimes it’s full of young trendy types eating their lunch and listening to the reggae music they play. I, on the other hand, am a balding middle-aged man in a grey suit. I feel like I stand out too much to go there, and don’t really belong.
One day though I felt brave, moments like these are usually where the problems start.
I stepped into the shop, and ordered my jerk chicken with rice and peas from the shop owner and gave him my money. Then I started to feel self-conscious and looked sheepishly around the shop, I wondered if I was being looked at by the hipsters and young professionals enjoying their lunch, but thought I was probably just making too much of it. As I turned around again the shop owner wa…


I had decided to have an early night. I unplugged the phone, switched off the TV, set the alarm on my bedside clock radio and headed for my pillow.
As I lay there I became slowly aware that I could hear music. I had to strain to hear it, but once I was aware of it that's all I could hear.  But I couldn’t work out where it was coming from.
I lay in the dark and tried to listen for which direction it was coming from, I had neighbours on both sides, but it was not quite loud enough to tell which way it was coming from, even when I listened at both walls.
Two hours later at 11.30 I was still lying awake – the music was still going. It sounded like someone had a radio on, but must have been loud for me to hear it in my flat. I listened at the wall furthest from me, there was definitely no noise coming up from that direction; it had to be my other neighbour.  I pulled the covers up over my head and hoped it would stop soon.
At 2 am – I was still awake, and still hearing the same noise.…

Car Trouble

I was in my late teens and had started going out with a girl called Claire, she had been my first girlfriend for ages and I was really quite obsessed with her.
One night I had been out to the cinema with friends for the night, which was only a few miles away from her house. It being pre-internet days, and me being smitten I’d written her a love letter telling her why I thought she was so fantastic, I thought it would be a great idea to post through her letterbox for her to see the next morning. I drove down her cul-de-sac and could see her house in the middle of the street. As I got closer though I saw her dad leaving the house with their dog.

At this point I panicked. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of stalker, so I did the only thing I could think of to stop him recognising me,  I put my head down so he wouldn’t see me, and with my hands still on the steering wheel kept driving. I drove like this for to the end of the street, and then turned off the engine and headlight…

James Bond

I was working in an office doing quite a dull job, surrounded by men and women a lot older than me. I was the office junior and token young person. Most of my colleagues were nice, apart from one woman in the next department. She was OK but to my 18-year-old self, she was just so so boring. Her name was Maureen, and whenever she had the chance she used to corner me and talk to me about her daughters, and her allotment and jam-making, and lots of things I had no absolutely no interest in at all, I would always try to make excuses not to talk to her.

One day a new girl started temping in the next department, the same age as me, and really attractive too, apparently she was working for the summer while she was home from university.
Now usually I am a very timid and awkward man, but on this day I saw her on her own at lunchtime in the canteen and decided to go over and sit next to her. I don't know what came over me, maybe it was because the only person I'd had to talk to of my o…


I was in a rush to catch my evening train home to Cambridgeshire. It’s a long journey and I didn’t want to make it any longer by missing my train. First though needed to pick up a parcel on the way from a shop local to the office I work at.  I grabbed the parcel (some expensive new work trousers) and shoved it into my rucksack.
At Kings Cross, I ran for the train and just made it, and more to my surprise managed to get the last seat in the carriage.
The journey takes just under two hours, so I unloaded my rucksack to get my tablet and catch up on some Game of Thrones.
About an hour into my journey I heard the ticket inspector making his way through the train, so once again picked up my rucksack from the floor to find my season ticket.
Under the seat in front of me I noticed a package, “Someone must have forgotten some shopping.” I thought to myself. This was my chance to do a good deed for the day. When the ticket inspector arrived at me I gave the parcel to him, asking he could give…

40 is the new 30

One mans rubbish