I had been in a job interview which had gone really well. The company seemed exciting and vibrant, the two interviewers seemed really nice, including Pete, who if I had impressed him would be my next boss. Everything had gone well, I’d answered all their question thoroughly, even the horrible “Where do you see yourself in five years” type questions. I had a really good feeling about the whole thing, I wouldn’t be surprised if in the next few days I got a call to say that the job was mine.
I was shown out to reception, and after my interviewers had left asked if I could use their toilets before I left the building, the receptionist pointed the way. As I entered the toilet downstairs all was quiet, I looked at both cubicle doors, both were showing the green flash on the lock meaning vacant.
I opened the door on toilet one, and was greeted with an awful sight, someone had pooed on the seat. Not just a little bit, but a large smear all along one side of the seat. How was that even possible? How would you smear such a smear? It looked improbable, but there it was, staring at me. Would someone have gone in and thought, "I'm feeling artistic today, now what can I do with the materials to hand?"
I quickly closed the door and edged towards the other toilet, cubicle number two, hoping that it would be far more welcoming. I pushed the door open and looked inside cautiously. All was good, the area was clean. I closed the door behind me and let nature take its course.
I stepped out and washed my hands, and wondered what it would be like to work for this company.
My thoughts were punctured by the toilet door swinging open, and in walked my prospective boss Pete. He nodded at me, and I nodded back, but inside I was thinking – say something, make a quick comment so you don't look rude or dismissive, my brain drew a blank.
He pushed open the door to cubicle number one as I had, and was greeted by the same unwelcome sight I had just encountered.
“EURGGGHHHHHHH” it was a noise of half disgust and half shock
“I just did that." I said, nodding in compliance. “Anyway, it was nice to meet you.” I left the toilet, and was halfway back to the tube station when it dawned on me what he must have thought I meant!
The shame, the shame! He must have gone back to his office and said to someone “I can’t believe what that last candidate was he just bragging about downstairs….”
I never heard back from them about the job.