Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Bad Toilet

I was in the toilets at work.
I had enough time for a quick wee before my lunch break, after all I didn't want to go to the toilet in my own time, that would just be wrong.
I went to the downstairs toilets in the basement, There are no offices in the basement, so as a result they were not used as much as the ones on the second floor. 
As I entered the toilet downstairs all was quiet, I looked at both cubicle doors, both were showing the green flash on the lock meaning vacant.
I breathed a sigh of relief, there would be no need for small talk whilst washing my hands. I felt I always had to say something if I saw a work colleague there, although I never really knew what to say in this situation, and I couldn't hear them over the incredibly loud air-blade hand dryer.
Better to bump into a client, or someone from the other offices at the top of the building, that way I could do a manly nod at them, without the need for making conversation.
I opened the door on toilet one, and was greeted with an awful sight, someone had, and I'm not sure how this is possible as there are no children in the building, someone had pooed on the seat. Not just a little bit, that could have been overlooked, but a large smear, all along one side of the seat.
How was that even possible? How would you smear such a smear? It looked improbable, but there it was, staring defiantly at me.
Would someone have gone in and thought, "I'm feeling artistic today, now what can I do with the materials to hand?"
Maybe it was some kind of dirty protest at the change of brand of the liquid soap at the sinks?

I quickly closed the door and edged towards  the other toilet, toilet number two, hoping that it would be far more welcoming. I pushed the door open and looked inside cautiously. All was good, the area was clean, and in fact the toilet duck bleach was still blue in around the inside. I closed the door behind me and let nature take its course.
I stepped out and washed my hands, planning what to have for lunch from the new sandwich shop in the next street. 
My thoughts were punctured by the toilet door swinging open, and in walked the company’s CEO, he nodded at me, and I nodded back, but inside I was thinking – say something, make a quick throw away quip so you don't look rude or dismissive, my brain drew a blank.
He pushed open the door to cubicle number one as I had, and was greeted by the same site.
“EURGGGHHHHHHH”  it was a noise of half disgust and half shock
“I just did that." I said, nodding in compliance, wondering why a look of total shock spread across his face.
I left the toilet, and was halfway back up the stairs when it dawned on me what he must have thought I meant!
The shame, the shame!

He must have gone back to his office and said to someone “I can’t believe what someone was just bragging about downstairs….”

Later that day the above sign was put on the door. Bad toilet indeed, it might have wrecked my so-called career.

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