Thursday, 16 January 2014

Bugs



I sell bugs on e-bay.
Not like the a strain of bacteria, or micro-organism that causes illness or has a superficial resemblance to an insect or bug, or even the breed of dog, a cross between a pug and a Boston terrier.
Bugs, in plastic - or Lucite to give it its proper name. like the one on the picture.
From the pound shop.
But they keep selling.
I know this not a bad thing. 
It would be odd of me to complain about me advertising something on e-bay, and then complaining when it sold. 
But they sell for anything up to £10, when I bought then for £1 - that's how the pound shop works you see. 
But when they reach this higher end of the scale I actually feel slight embarrassment when I send them out, just in case the buyer hasn't read my description correctly, and think they are maybe getting one as large as the picture, like it is on a 1-1 scale.
yet I never get any complaints, even when they sell for £10. one sold for £13 once, and after I posted it out the next day I waiting for the angry message, asking where the large bug was, and asking why I had sent them one as large as a bubblegum, but the message never came, just positive feedback saying how 'pleased they were with the item'. 
'Not if they saw how much I paid for it they wouldn't be' I thought. 
But people keep buying them, so ill keep selling them.
I do get some strange questions asked though... Borismonkey is my name on e bay, Einstein1982 is the name of an idiot who sent me a message.







From Einstein1982   
To     BorisMonkey

Re the bugs you are selling - are they still alive?




From BorisMonkey  
To     Einstein1982 

Wow - you really went for the big question there straight from the off didn't you? If they can survive being placed into liquid plastic resin then yes I guess they could still be alive in there. 
They were not provided with tiny chisels though, so if you bought one I guess you would be okay.



From Einstein1982
To     BorisMonkey

I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic in your message>?  Does this mean they are definitely dead? 
If I were to put one into boiling water would it defrost again?
Thanks




From BorisMonkey  
To     Einstein1982 

Am i being punk'd here? Can I ask how you got your user name Einstein1982? is it ironic?
They will not defrost in boiling water, not everything in life is like in the ice age films.
They may melt and turn to mush in a fire, why you would want to do this though I do not know. Maybe you've just watched Jurassic Park, and are now under the misconception that you could start some kind of giant bug safari Park?
Are you conducting some kind of experiment to expand your knowledge try to live up to your famous namesake? How about reading a book instead - I've got some old dot-to-dot books that may blow your mind!





From Einstein1982
To     BorisMonkey

Okay there is no need for rudeness, I just wanted to check that they are safe - I do have children in the house you know.





From BorisMonkey  
To     Einstein1982 

You are of course totally right to check this out, you may want to also check that your eggs will not hatch dangerous chickens with big pointy beaks, and your ice cubes in your freezer do not combine to make a abominable snowman - I've heard they can get quite tetchy at times.





From Einstein1982
To     BorisMonkey
i just wanted to check that was all, i didn't expect to receive a barrage of abuse back. You should make things clearer on you advert, I'm sure  I'm not the only person to ever be confused about this.




From BorisMonkey  
To     Einstein1982 

Actually you really are the first, no one has ever asked me, or I'm sure anyone who has ever sold a bug in plastic the kinds of question you have asked.
Don't congratulate yourself on this - this is not a good thing.
But just for you can I check the text of my next advert with you?

'real, 100% dead, 100% non-defrostable, non threatening bug for sale. Not suitable for stupid people, or stupid peoples children'

There - I hope I haven't missed anything?




From Einstein1982
To     BorisMonkey

Don't bother. i found that other people sell them too, so I will go speak to one of them instead.




From BorisMonkey  
To     Einstein1982 

Good for you, Well done genius.

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If you would like to buy a totally overpriced, real, 100% dead, 100% non-defrostable, non threatening bug then look me up on e-bay under borismonkey.