Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2014

3 Kings

3 times a night

Road Rage

We'd found the house we were going to move to in lovely picturesque Ely, and just had to head back to London to start the packing nightmare.
We'd been joking all weekend about the lack of traffic, and enjoying actually being able to drive a car, not stop start stop start driving in constant traffic like we were used to in London.
We'd bought coffee and I put them up on the roof while I moved my coat from the passenger seat, and climbed back inside the car both of us smiling and happy, a real sense of calm over us both.
I took a sip from my coffee, too hot, always slightly too hot.
We edged out of the car park and into a line of cars at the lights. No more than 6 cars.  "This is probably like gridlock to them all" I joked  And as I laughed I made eye contact with a man in a white van. He was near the back of the queue, but was the car closet to us as we edged out of the car park, looking to join the flow of traffic. I looked down quickly so he didn't think I was…

Interrogation

Toilet Troubles

The toilet was broken, and I was the man to fix it.   I knew I could fix it. I was mostly sure I could fix it. The plastic pipe letting the water into the cistern had stopped working, and I had already bought the replacement, still flying high from successfully putting up a venetian blind the day before, with minimal errors. I was surely in the black in man-points, a toilet would be no problem, after all it was only two screws to undo and tighten up again. Then what could I do next? Maybe service the boiler, maybe build a new shed, solve the Middle East peace process? The world, or maybe the flat and garden was my oyster.
But first the job in hand, I had my replacement pipe still sitting in the Homebase bag on the side, my spanner in hand I began, I imagined emerging from the bathroom in a matter of minutes, another man-job completed more man-points on the board. "Do you think you'll be able to do it though?" asked my girlfriend Kat. "I'm sure I will be able to, after…

Charity Collector

Thumb Wars

Thumb is an app, a way of connecting and discussing topics with people all over the world.  In their own words -  'After launching the concept in 2010, we were surprised to find that people wanted to use the Thumb to get and give feedback in virtually every area of life (music, artwork, shopping, hairstyles, relationships, movies, food, etc.). When combining the breadth and speed of these shared opinions, tons of simultaneous conversations were sparked around things that mattered. And just as quickly, those conversations turned into meaningful connections between like-minded individuals' Not so.  As with most forums and discussion groups on the internet people just go there to argue. Sounds like my kind of place.
I was browsing Thumb, when the question below appeared next to a picture of a man carrying some kind of large assault rifle.
Travis P – what part of 'shall not be infringed' do anti-gun people not understand?

The idea of owning and using guns is totally alien to me, s…

Sunglasses on a Train

There are many many many things that irritate me about travelling on the underground every day. When people stand on the left on the escalators rather than walking, there are signs every ten metres - read one of them!People who lean on the poles, while I struggle to find anything to hold onto so I stay on my feet when the train pulls away.Men's pointy shoes are another, why wear them when there is not actually anywhere to tread in case you tread on the empty pointy pointless bit taking up valuable space.
But there is one thing i just don't understand that confuses me more than all of these points, why do some people wear sunglasses on the underground? For a start it’s underground.  There is no sun, there is no sunlight. There isn't even any daylight, I just don't understand it. As a normal everyday human you cannot be much further underground and further from sunlight. What are these people protecting themselves from? The brightness of their ego? Remember that 80's…

Know your onions

Turning Australian - When you pick up on an accent, and just can't stop.

Alan arrives at our flat.  Alan is an estate agent who is here to talk to us about renting our flat when we move. He steps in wearing the customary estate agent shiny suit, I laugh inwardly. Earlier I had predicted this to Kat, "He'll definitely be wearing a shiny suit” I'd said. This night is going to go exactly as I thought it would I'm pretty sure. But then something happened that changed everything.  I sit and listen as he shows us pictures and information on properties he has rented for people in the recent past, and then he starts with the jargon and estate agent talk. Estate agent talk is something that troubles me, where they always try to make something very negative sound like a positive. When you are searching for flats or houses on Zoopla or Rightmove you really have to read between the lines of the comments they say. We all for example know when they say "easy to maintain living space" it means "It’s very very small",  "The property has …

Driving and Texting

Essex Optician

The Band